Is bedtime turning into a nightmare at your house? Have you tried everything, and your child still doesn’t want to sleep? Is it driving you crazy? Is it hard to be the kind of parent you wish you could be around bedtime?
Bedtime routines are challenging for many families. When our bedtime routines aren’t working out, we get anxious, frustrated or even angry as parents before and during bedtime. It is so exhausting to deal with children who won’t sleep night after night. Especially when it is obvious that the child needs to sleep more to get through the day.
When the child finally sleeps, the only energy left for many parents is used to dive into the couch completely exhausted. The adult time after a tough bedtime scenario begins in a bad mood often mixed with a feeling of guilt. Because parenting wasn’t supposed to be like this… A bedtime nightmare is not what intended to create for our loved ones. Deep inside we wish things could be different.
In this blog we will share the secret with you on how create a bedtime with peace, calmness, love and tenderness. Which is what all parents want for their children. Isn’t it?
Here comes the three step secret!
Our body is so incredible intelligent – and much more than we give it credit for. We “think” we can “think” a new solution – and meanwhile our bodies hold the secret.
So are you ready?
The secret to a bedtime routine full of love is to create an “energy switch” in your own body. As humans we communicate in many other ways than just words. Our energy plays a big role in our communication with our children. Many parents are so much attached to their way of thinking, that they forget other natural ways of communicating for instance with energy. However, the children have not moved all their attention into their brains yet. They are still in “Heartland”, and they are much more aware of their bodies. Children tend to understand energy better than adults and they sense much more than we adults in “Brainland” understand. In fact our children are master detectives of our energy and you CANNOT hide your moods from the energy champs.
As parents we need to become conscious of our energy, so we can help our children, and let them get to know their own energy. Even though they sense and understand a lot about energy, they are still in the process of getting to know how to handle their own energy.
All your thoughts, words, feelings and expectations come out as energies that affect your child from birth – even from conception. Your child is simply is a master detective in tracking and sensing your energy.
Maybe you’ve tried to put a smile and say something like, “Come on honey, we are going to visit my sweet aunt and it is going to be so much fun,” while your heart is pounding inside of you, you start to sweat and your mind is full of concerns about the visit, which you yourself dread.
Your child doesn’t buy your smile and quick words. Your child knows you so well and you can’t hide how you feel for your children. This goes for bedtimes as well. So if you feel anxious about the bedtime – your child will react to your anxious energy as well. If you battle up to be ready for bedtime your child will sense that. If you feel too exhausted for bedtime – your child will sense that as well etc.
The trick is to become aware of your mood and energy, and switch it to a loving, caring energy before bedtime.
Here are three tips to switch your energy!
1. Become aware of your energy
To begin with it’s all about becoming conscious of how you feel and which energy you are loaded with before and during bedtime.Try asking yourself the following questions:
- What are your expectations for the upcoming bedtime?
- Which thoughts go through your mind about the bedtime?
- How does the situation affect you?
- How will you feel inside if the bedtime turns into craziness?
- Where in your body can you can feel your irritation, frustration, anger, sadness etc.?
- How does it feel?
Pay attention to your body and get to know where your emotions typically emerge in your body.
2. Find your energy switch
Once you become more conscious and aware of your energy and what you radiate, the trick is to find your switch. Mindfulness is a very efficient tool that can make a HUGE difference in creating your switch. Mindfulness teaches us to observe ourselves with an open and non-judgemental mind. You learn to be aware of where your focus is, and whether your focus is good for you. For instance if your attention is on a thought that the upcoming bedtime will become tough, you can stop and realize that you have this focus. Once you become conscious of your focus you can shift your attention to a desire to help your child to sleep. It is important that your switch is filled with self-love. Instead of beating yourself up because of your thoughts and emotions, try to be good to yourself so that you can make it a lovely bedtime for both you and your child.
Pay attention to where your awareness is.
3. Practice and turn up
Once you’ve gotten to know your attention switch, you can view it as a muscle that needs to be trained. While you practice your energy switch, be curious, play with it, observe it, and turn your energies up and down. It is like becoming a master energy detective in your own life. Turn up the volume of things, activities, and people who fill you with energy and turn down those who drain you.
It takes training like everything else in life. However, often step 1 of this three-stage exercise – becoming aware of your attention – is enough for us to start seeing significant differences in our relationships. And this applies not only for our children, but in all other relationships as well. The reason why our children often drive us crazy is precisely because they are master detectives of our energies and our energies reflect in their behaviour. Luckily this also goes for when we are happy and excited.
Pay attention to where your get energy and where you loose it.
Still not sure how to do it? We offer you an automatic switch!
To help you out with the switch I have written “The Children’s Meditations: In My Heart”. It has helped thousands of Danish families find their switch. The last months it has sold internationally with great success. Many parents write to me that the book is magical and has made a huge difference to their bedtime routines as well as to the well-being of their children with less stress, less temper and less anxiety.
“The Children’s meditations In my heart” creates your automatic “switch”.
The book is all about the great love in your family. As a parent you relax while you read it. While you read this special book to your child/children the little master detective senses that mum or dad is having a great time, and when mum or dad begins to relax the little master detective relaxes and falls asleep much easier.
The master detective’s reaction will be something like this “I can feel mum/dad is relaxed/ mindful/ loving/ caring/ calm. I love this feeling. It makes me feel very loved and safe. Now I can calm down. There is nothing mysterious going on in my parent’s energies that I need to interpret and react to. Now I can concentrate on my-self. And when I concentrate on my-self, I feel that my body is tired. Very tired after a long day of being a master detective. I think I will take little nap.”
This is the reason why so many children fall asleep during the meditations. And if they do – please keep on reading – they can still sense your energies while they sleep.
I wish you all the best finding your switch and creating a loving bedtime routine in your family. You are very welcome to share your thoughts or ask questions below.
All children deserve to go to bed and fall asleep with their heart full of love.